Sandra Barr: The Revenge Of The Sith!

 

                                                 EPISODE III

                                        Revenge Of The Sith

 

 A Short Time Ago In a Galaxy Far Far Away.....

 

            War! The republic is crumbling under the pressure of 

              the absence of our Sith Lord Sandra. We have continued

              to scan earth's magnetic field, Internet matrix system,

              tesco/asda clubcard database & all other registry portholes

              Galactic bounty hunters have jettisoned any missions to

              earth due to the strange gravity field seemingly having no

              obvious effects on the longterm stay of her highness.

              We on planet Barr excepted that our glorious leader 

              had entered her period of Moulting yet  a glitch within

              our java drone spectrum has led us on a new lead, our

              worshipful mistress has taken on a new prodigy, an 

              unassuming tea lady going by the name of Belinda McKenzie 

 

             We have looked extensively into 

             the secret past of this one time Femme fatal. 

             Now an elderly lady taking on the persona of a cat loving activist.

             Her colourful past has a maze of  activity on an 

             international level...........Money laundering, 

            charity fraud  of £75,000,000 for Iran Aid also MI5 

            connections & tie's to Common Purpose. There are

            too many facets to this retired Honeypot. A multi linguist 

            currently taking lessons in Klingon language. We see this

            as a team building experience between priestess Sandra

            and that of counter Intel extortionist humanoid Belinda.

            Affectionately christened by our own galactic federation

            as Mad-dog McKenzie  her current status appears to be

            controller of the donated button on the holliedemandsjustice

           (its hard to keep an old dog down) Excuse our use of earthly quips. 

           We on planet Barr have learned allot from our extensive and

           deep long term probing of Her highness Sandra. 

           

 

            We have gathered a star-field of information & leads on an earthly 

            time-line. Since the union of Barr & Mad-dog there has been extensive

            activity on Ebay & we have obtained the list of items currently under 

            bid and others that have been purchased. 

 

            Shopping list as follows:

            #1 300ft of 2inch rope 

            #2 Grappling hook (x1)

            #3 Ninja Suits (female x2)

           #4 Lady's floral dress

            #5 Stiletto heals (size 9)

            #6 Lady's wig

            #7 Night vision goggles x 3

            #8 Anonymous masks x 2

            #9 Shawshank redemption book (revised edition)

            #10 An idiots guide to a jailbreak

 

             We have intercepted a multitude of Emails from Mad-dogs 

             Database. Belinda is currently in discussions with 

             friends/connections in Lithuania. 

             Here mission is to acquire false passports.

             We can also confirm the geography of the passports reside in

             Siberia,Congo,Bolivia, & Iraq.

             Further intel has confirmed that Portuguese Godfathers refused to

             deal with Mad-dog McKenzie as they regard her as

             Quote: "Too fucking hardcore for our liking"

              (Her attempts at purchasing 20 sticks of dynamite are ongoing)

   

              Our fantastic team of codebreaker(s) have managed to piece

              together the shopping list & movements of our galactic sisters

              and the mission at hand is to rescue a Robert Green.

              We at planet Barr have been starstruck at this act to subvert

              our tracking of Sith lord Barr....This is now known as.

               "Intel Barr none" She has cunningly used a colour forbidden

               on planet Barr. This is written in the Barr constitution & 

               cannot be published anywhere within the solar system.

               Our great leader has written a secrecy act into our Bill

               that we (the inhabitants) are not allowed to see.

               But we know it exists (somewhere)

 

               We have managed to track a blog where her highness has

               been quoted describing her symbolic intolerance to the evil

               colour that is "Green" .... See Here

               We at Planet Barr wish to thank her dedicated followers

               on this Blog for paying homage to our worshipful mistress.

 

              We see our high priestess teachings as gospel, we have 13 letters

               in our alphabet & we can use 37 of the earthly 100 numeric symbols.

               It is an offence by Zen & Now law to use 9-11-33rd-01-10 by decree.

               We could be evaporated if found using such saturnalia symbology.

                

               Getting back to the main mission. Sith lord Barr has tried 

               to hoodwink our trackers by hiding behind the name Green, 

               we must admit she had us.

 

                We hail our leader & her cold war comrade Belinda.

                 In this audacious act.

 

               The substation crew came to the conclusion our high priestess 

                had been to earth on a Shirley Valentine (see here) expedition.

                BUT all laser's point to an elderly version of Thelma & Louise

                meets The Great Escape...Media moguls on planet Barr are

                dubbing a movie in the pipeline as "Hamshank Redemption"

                The main character is poised to revolve around Mad-dog 

                as the bondesque tea lady with the Walther ppk concealed 

                within her 'pretty polly' kidney warmers.

                Insider's within the media circle's have leaked Hugh Grant

                to play Belinda (If poached from earth)

 

                We at Planet Barr will continue to watch over our Priestess 

                and reverberate Labi Siffre at 12pm & 6pm Gmt (earth time)

                Daily vigils will be held as per usual & the love & light hosepipe

                ban will be indefinite for the time being.

                

 Our search continues....

                                  "If you scratch your head hard enough, you
                                   will find the truth. If not, make it up"


                                 Captains Log Star date 56/18/0001

                   

              

              

  

          

          

 

SANDRA BARR: ATTACK OF THE CLONES

 A Short Time Ago In a Galaxy Far Far Away......


                                                           EPISODE II

                                                    ATTACK OF THE CLONES


                                 There is unrest within the galactic senate. Mothers day has
                                 been a red dwarf since the mother of our planet is not with
                                 us on a day that we dedicate solely to her highness.
                                 Never in a multimillion light years has planet Barr been so
                                 low on reserves of love & light.

                                 A vigil is being held at grimsville delta2, the birthplace of  
                                 our great leader. Celebrity's have held a benefit concert
                                 in her absence & there is talk of a collaboration of artists 
                                 to do a benefit song, insiders say it could be a cover of
                                 a fellow alien David Bowie "Life on Barrs" but this is only
                                 speculation.

                                 There has been some progress made in our galactic search
                                 for our sith lord.
                                 We had located her in the data matrix system that is the
                                 C.I.A Controlled Facebook, Our Java drone was nano seconds
                                 away from entering her fibre optic Stargate, upon which we lost
                                 all contact for 28billion nano seconds (3 earth minutes) When we
                                 made second contact we found two Sandra Barr profiles and an
                                 entire host of others emanating from her 1gb dongle earthlings call
                                 this "schizophrenia" while we on planet Barr know this as "Cloning"

                                 Names such as Faith Love,Diane Destiny,Pat Peace,Pat Butcher,
                                 Carol Chamomile  & Geraldine Green-tea.
                                 We are looking at other profiles such as Nasty Namaste,
                                 Lucy Lightsabre & Sandra Starstruck.

                                 We did get intelligence providing proof her highness was harboured
                                 on the dark side of the moon en-route to earth for a period of 4 earth
                                 days. It is reported she stopped for a cultural exchange also to do some
                                 paid work.....(cash in hand)
                                 Rumour has it she was thigh rolling joints with David icke
                                 in an illuminati reptilian sweatshop.
                                 The reefers were likely bound for the illuminati hideout on the moon
                                 where earth's elite hideout while planning a mass cull of the human race
                                 by means of television, haribo sweets, diet drinks & lady gaga.

                                 We are privy to this conspiracy due to the teachings of our sith lord.
                                 She is schooled on such things from her earth resident oracle.....
                                  (my imaginary friend)

                                 Our search continues....

                                  "If you scratch your head hard enough, you
                                   will find the truth. If not, make it up"


                                 Captains Log Star date (Mothers day)

Sandra Barr "Something inside so wrong"

Second star to the right and straight ahead till morning:

A Short Time Ago In a Galaxy Far Far Away........

                                                       Episode I
                         The Phantom Menace

                              Turmoil has engulfed the federation & all is not well
                              on planet Barr, confusion has infiltrated the realm
                              of Sith lord Sandra, a clone war is not  light years away.
                              There has been a major shift within the force an epidemic
                              of galactic proportion has infected the small planet of Barr.

                              Paranoia & delusion has overcome this little rock tucked
                              away in the far corner of the universe. impending doom
                              can only be avoided if Sith lord Sandra finds her Zen.

                             Proof of this cosmic shift in mental stability has appeared
                             on the blogsphere recently posted within the data matrix
                             system on planet earth.


                            All efforts were made by the federation to thwart the public
                            display of  deranged ramblings of Sith lord Sandra but a glitch
                            in broadband size has halted all censorship and to the dismay
                            of all inhabitants on planet Barr, this is now public.

                            In the name of love & light it is best to sprinkle some stardust
                            on our leaders ramblings as embarrassing at it will look we 
                            have no choice but to save ourselves.

                           We can only apologise in advance.....See here Sandra's Blog 
                           Sith lord Sandra has been sucked into a black hole.
                           In this particular Blog she attacks a mortal or cyber being by
                           the name of Gabe Nelson. 

                           Sandra has written a lengthy episode on this entity or humanoid
                           and also given her own comprehensive Psychoanalysis on this.
                           Her highness also states without doubt there are others involved 
                           and posts alleged comments and emails allegedly written by this
                           person/entity/cyberperson/imaginary humanoid.
                           Its is clear to us that Sandra seems to have it all figured out
                           going by her analysis of the situation.


                           Sandra writes of quotes, situations, tactics, mind control, aggression,
                           sabotage, intimidation, address, occupation collusion with named others
                           all allegedly connected and working with Gabe Nelson & she is definite
                           about what she writes.


                          Sandra finishes off the helter skelter of paragraphs by stating that
                          Gabe is not really real...He was an invention of others. 
                          Note: Sandra also posts a picture of the said entity????????? 


                           It was time to take a break at this point and listen to some Labi Siffre.


                           By the end of the Labi Siffre fix I felt like i had exited a wormhole
                           and been pulled through an asteroid belt by the ankles.
                           THEN a supernova occurred and i realised our very own
                           Sith Lord has publicly posted quotes & paragraphs of 
                           an entity that she (Her Highness) believes does NOT exist. 


                          We at the federation have taken measures and sent out various 
                          drones to look for Sandra's mind, we currently believe it is 
                          somewhere within the dark side of the moon.
                          Bounty hunters inform us she has taken up permanent residence
                          with the occupants of  la,la,land & we believe this to be voluntary
                          exile (if true)

                         Our council have taken it upon themselves to re-enlist Lord Sandra
                         back into jedi school upon her return, a delay in the radio transmissions
                         are at peak due to interference of Labi Siffre echoing throughout the galaxy.
                         A care package has been dispatched.

                         In the meantime we will make sure we keep planet Barr in the dystopian
                         condition our good lord Sandra born us into & we will stick to the code
                         of conduct & our councils pledge which is:
                        "If you scratch your head hard enough, you
                   will find the truth. If not, make it up"

                                  Captain's log end. Star date  56/14/0001