EPISODE III
Revenge Of The Sith
A Short Time Ago In a Galaxy Far Far Away.....
War! The republic is crumbling under the pressure of
the absence of our Sith Lord Sandra. We have continued
to scan earth's magnetic field, Internet matrix system,
tesco/asda clubcard database & all other registry portholes
Galactic bounty hunters have jettisoned any missions to
earth due to the strange gravity field seemingly having no
obvious effects on the longterm stay of her highness.
We on planet Barr excepted that our glorious leader
had entered her period of Moulting yet a glitch within
our java drone spectrum has led us on a new lead, our
worshipful mistress has taken on a new prodigy, an
unassuming tea lady going by the name of Belinda McKenzie
We have looked extensively into
the secret past of this one time Femme fatal.
Now an elderly lady taking on the persona of a cat loving activist.
Her colourful past has a maze of activity on an
international level...........Money laundering,
charity fraud of £75,000,000 for Iran Aid also MI5
connections & tie's to Common Purpose. There are
too many facets to this retired Honeypot. A multi linguist
currently taking lessons in Klingon language. We see this
as a team building experience between priestess Sandra
and that of counter Intel extortionist humanoid Belinda.
Affectionately christened by our own galactic federation
as Mad-dog McKenzie her current status appears to be
controller of the donated button on the holliedemandsjustice
(its hard to keep an old dog down) Excuse our use of earthly quips.
We on planet Barr have learned allot from our extensive and
deep long term probing of Her highness Sandra.
We have gathered a star-field of information & leads on an earthly
time-line. Since the union of Barr & Mad-dog there has been extensive
activity on Ebay & we have obtained the list of items currently under
bid and others that have been purchased.
Shopping list as follows:
#1 300ft of 2inch rope
#2 Grappling hook (x1)
#3 Ninja Suits (female x2)
#4 Lady's floral dress
#5 Stiletto heals (size 9)
#6 Lady's wig
#7 Night vision goggles x 3
#8 Anonymous masks x 2
#9 Shawshank redemption book (revised edition)
#10 An idiots guide to a jailbreak
We have intercepted a multitude of Emails from Mad-dogs
Database. Belinda is currently in discussions with
friends/connections in Lithuania.
Here mission is to acquire false passports.
We can also confirm the geography of the passports reside in
Siberia,Congo,Bolivia, & Iraq.
Further intel has confirmed that Portuguese Godfathers refused to
deal with Mad-dog McKenzie as they regard her as
Quote: "Too fucking hardcore for our liking"
(Her attempts at purchasing 20 sticks of dynamite are ongoing)
Our fantastic team of codebreaker(s) have managed to piece
together the shopping list & movements of our galactic sisters
and the mission at hand is to rescue a Robert Green.
We at planet Barr have been starstruck at this act to subvert
our tracking of Sith lord Barr....This is now known as.
"Intel Barr none" She has cunningly used a colour forbidden
on planet Barr. This is written in the Barr constitution &
cannot be published anywhere within the solar system.
Our great leader has written a secrecy act into our Bill
that we (the inhabitants) are not allowed to see.
But we know it exists (somewhere)
We have managed to track a blog where her highness has
been quoted describing her symbolic intolerance to the evil
colour that is "Green" .... See Here
We at Planet Barr wish to thank her dedicated followers
on this Blog for paying homage to our worshipful mistress.
We see our high priestess teachings as gospel, we have 13 letters
in our alphabet & we can use 37 of the earthly 100 numeric symbols.
It is an offence by Zen & Now law to use 9-11-33rd-01-10 by decree.
We could be evaporated if found using such saturnalia symbology.
Getting back to the main mission. Sith lord Barr has tried
to hoodwink our trackers by hiding behind the name Green,
we must admit she had us.
We hail our leader & her cold war comrade Belinda.
In this audacious act.
The substation crew came to the conclusion our high priestess
had been to earth on a Shirley Valentine (see here) expedition.
BUT all laser's point to an elderly version of Thelma & Louise
meets The Great Escape...Media moguls on planet Barr are
dubbing a movie in the pipeline as "Hamshank Redemption"
The main character is poised to revolve around Mad-dog
as the bondesque tea lady with the Walther ppk concealed
within her 'pretty polly' kidney warmers.
Insider's within the media circle's have leaked Hugh Grant
to play Belinda (If poached from earth)
We at Planet Barr will continue to watch over our Priestess
and reverberate Labi Siffre at 12pm & 6pm Gmt (earth time)
Daily vigils will be held as per usual & the love & light hosepipe
ban will be indefinite for the time being.
Our search continues....
"If you scratch your head hard enough, you
will find the truth. If not, make it up"
Captains Log Star date 56/18/0001
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